Author’s note: This was written in the immediate aftermath of the killing of Renee Nicole Goode. This article exists largely in it’s original state save for a few copy edits, including a description of the meme that I now can’t find. I delayed publishing it until now because I was unsure if my voice would help or even be heard. Now, in the light of the killing of Alex Pretti, I don’t care if I’m screaming into the void.
An open letter to those who are no longer welcome in my life:
I’ve spent the last 24 hours in a cycle of panicked doom scrolling, foolish optimism and denial, paralysis, and mania. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t. But I couldn’t put it into words, until a Facebook friend shared a meme that I now can’t find.
In summary, the meme addressed those who are buying into the lies being pushed out by the current administration. It claimed “I don’t know you anymore,” suggesting that there was a change in the morals or thoughts of those who are pushing this false narrative.
I don’t disagree with this meme’s sentiment, but I need to pick at the wording.
I don’t want to know you.
Part of me feels as if my head has been in the sand (all while screaming that I’m not burying it). Part of me feels as if I’ve been screaming since Trump first ran that this was where we were headed.
But this isn’t an open letter to myself. This is an open letter to you. To the people who thought I was overreacting in 2016. To the people who voted for Trump and/or the current administration. To the people who think that it’s “just politics.” To the people who think that if Renee had “just listened,” she would still be alive.
I’ve caught myself asking questions over and over and over. They’re simple, either or questions, but I can no longer let them just simmer in the back of my mind. Rather, I have to answer them—I have to confront what those answers mean.
Do I believe that you believe that that ICE agent was “justified” or do I believe that you’ve seen the footage and you just don’t care?
Do I believe that you believe that alligator Alcatraz is actually just for violent drug traffickers and certainly isn’t as bad as the “radical left” is making it seem? Or do I believe that you know what it is and you just don’t care?
Do I believe that you believe that January 6th was instigated by the “terrorist group antifa” and that all of the people Trump pardoned are honest-to-god innocent scapegoats? Or do I believe that you understand what happened that day and you just don’t care?
Are you just stupid or are you just mean?
Here’s the thing. I’ve never, ever believed the MAGA folks to be stupid. Ever. Why then, am I allowing myself to continually excuse their actions as “they believe what they say” instead of recognizing that this is, and has always been, fueled by hate?
Am I scared? Do I want to be a good little Minnesotan and not make waves? Am I a believer in humanity, that we’re all just trying to do our best?
Or am I finally going to wake up and realize that you do not see us as human? That you do not care that people have been suffering and dying long before Renee Nicole Good (may she rest in peace). That’s the point. You do not care.
If I am going to respect you as an adult, that means I am going to treat you as if you have agency and the basic thinking skills to see what’s happening. After all, you’re not stupid. You would be (rightly) insulted for me to suggest you were.
I’ve chosen my side. You’ve chosen yours.
I don’t know if my pacifism still exists. I don’t know if this was my own catalyst to believe stronger measures need to be taken by more people. I think I still stand by what I said on my very first blog on this site (and a later one, too), but I’m not fully sure.
I am angry. I am angry at you. I am angry at me for not respecting you as a fully developed adult and cutting you out of my life sooner.
You are not nice. You are not honorable.
You have chosen your side of history. And I have chosen mine.
May god have mercy on your soul because I will no longer be centering your feelings over the lives of the people in my community.